The Fifty-Eighth Night

 

Nick ended up staying at my place until this past Sunday.

On Friday afternoon, he came with me to the hospital for a dermatology appointment. The test came back negative, and we celebrated with generous bowls of ice cream and prayers.

On Saturday, while I was making dinner, he finished packing his bags. Then he came back into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"You know what I've been thinking about?" he asked.

"How good it'll be to finally get home?" I replied.

He smiled and shook his head. "No. I've been thinking about death. About your death."

I turned back to the pots on the stove and stood there in solemn silence.

Nick had fallen silent too, and after a moment I ventured to speak.

"When I was a kid, they taught me in school to live every day as if it were my last. I've been doing that my whole life. One day, I'll get it right."

He let out a quiet, incredulous laugh.

"Who teaches something that awful to a kid?"

"My wise Seventh-day Adventist teachers. When I told my mother about that lesson, she agreed with them. There are countless blessings in living with your eyes fixed on death. One of them is knowing that nothing here lasts forever, and that what truly matters is what we'll lay before God when we cross death's threshold."

I gave him a moment to absorb my words—and his own feelings.

"You've given my life direction," he said softly. "You know that? You've become the best thing in my life."

I wasn't ready for those words.

I left the stove and sat down beside him.

"I know it's childish for me to think like this..." Nick said.

After a while, he went on.

"I wish I were grown-up enough to be rational about it—to look at things objectively. But I'm not. I spent my whole youth looking for light in hell, and now that I've finally found the real thing... even that light flickers, like it could go out." He paused. "You get what I mean? I'm not talking about you having cancer. I'm talking about knowing that... well..." His voice faltered. "I don't want to be left in the dark again."

I pulled my chair closer and wrapped my arms around him.

"You know, Nick, I could die tonight..."

He started to interrupt me, but I gently pressed a finger to his lips and continued.

"If tomorrow morning I wake up dead, I want to leave you with this now: devote yourself to living each day as though it were your last. And if it is your last, what will you have to lay at God's feet?"

I smiled at him.

"Do you think you can do that?"

"Live to please God?"

"Yes. He's the only One who endures forever, and He loves you with a love beyond anything I'm capable of. For a while, we'll walk beside each other on our journey toward Him. And when our paths part, He'll still be with us—until we meet again in eternity."

Nick smiled faintly.

"That's a pretty bold plan."

"And what man doesn't love a challenge?"

I took his hands in mine.

"So... how do you feel?"

"Challenged," he said. "But better than I did before."

"That's my boy! Now I will need five minutes to finish dinner. Be prepared!”