The Fifty-Fourth Night

This Easter was special. Very, very happy.

I had resigned myself to spending it alone when, on Holy Wednesday, Nick returned from America.

What joy!

He came back with good business in his suitcase, promising prospects—and, most importantly, he put my name on the map. True, a very small name, the kind one needs a magnifying glass to read, but it is there.

I had already noticed the results of his visits to galleries through the requests and traffic on my studio’s website.

But the best—the truly best part of it all—was in Nick himself. How that exposure, that challenge, had done him good. His body, reflecting his spirit, stood more upright, stronger. There was a bright happiness in his eyes.

Yet the cherry on top had been his reunion with his family. That was an even greater, more meaningful universe to explore than the galleries of New York or Boston. Seeing his sister again and meeting his nephews, his grandnephews—even those of his other sister, now deceased—moved him to tears just to tell me about them.

He told me about a nephew who was also homosexual, and how they differed in their understanding of what it meant to be so.

That Saturday, I took more care than ever with dinner—and dessert.

As on Wednesday, when I welcomed him at the airport singing the island’s song of greeting, Nick came into the house and wrapped me in the embrace of an infatuated teenager.

Georges cried out, fidgeting on his perch, “Nick! Nick!” while Cão spun and leapt about us, eager for a share of that embrace.

“Man, it feels so good to be back here,” he said. “Even Georges is calling me by my name!”

“I always told you he liked you—he’s just too grumpy to admit it.”

“There’s nothing in the world like the smell of your house.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Oh, it definitely is. Kind of a mix of anise and flowers. Just… one of a kind.”

“Still suffering from jet lag?”

“Big time. Always wanting to sleep through the day and wide awake all night.”

He took breath and said:

“So I’ll have to send you back to America, won’t I?”

“Unless you don’t want me playing your ambassador anymore.”

“That will be difficult, you know? I like it better here—but my family…”

“How I wished for this meeting of yours with your roots, your family. You know, it’s as if I had become a father to all of them. And I kept remembering your words—words that always seemed a bit absurd to me, but now… I think I understand them.”

“What words?”

“When you said that a man is only truly a man when he becomes a father to someone.”

“And a woman, when she becomes a mother to someone. And it doesn’t count to be a ‘mother’ or ‘father’ to animals. It has to be to people. Real people.”

“I understand you now. I feel responsible for every one of the twelve relatives I met. Especially that one…”

“The little queer?”

He laughed, nodding.

“I’d really like to talk to you about him sometime.”

“We will—but for now, just look at what I’ve put together for dinner!”

“Whoa—man! Anyone who can pull this off is ready to get married!”

“Not even in your wildest dreams!”

And we laughed—richly, warmly.

 

 

 

Another Night Without Nick.

 

I was preparing dinner while talking with Georges, my parrot, and Dog, my dog.

“Another night without Nick. The third one, you realize? How can that be?

‘“I’m already regretting making him my manager. He’s been in the United States for three weeks now, contacting art galleries where he might sell my work.”’

They looked at me attentively, with their silly parrot and dog faces.

“And it’s working, you know? We talk every day—miracles of technology! Which, truth be told, is more than we used to before. And he’s already signed contracts. I’ve already had to send two boxes of assorted ceramics to two galleries in Pennsylvania.

‘“Will the sales be good? Who knows?”’

“Nick,” said Georges.

“You miss him too, Georges?”

That parrot learned Nick’s name before any other word. Before my own name!

“And you, Dog? Do you miss him too?”

But Dog only gave me a long look that said I only have eyes for you, and wagged his tail, happy just to see me.

“We get used to people’s faces, don’t we? I remember when my mother died. The worst thing was coming home and not seeing her filling the spaces that had been hers. Wherever I looked, there were the empty places she had left behind. Now it’s this table, suddenly far too big for just me.

‘“That’s why I hate growing fond of people, you know? They all go away one day. For natural reasons, for the best of reasons, or the most foolish ones—the fact is that one day they go.

‘“Have you ever seen a film called The Goodbye Girl? No? Well, you should. It’s about exactly what I’m talking about—only it has a wonderful cast and Neil Simon’s humor. It does a better job than I do explaining it.

‘“Of course, one day it will be my turn to go away, but for now it’s mostly been the others leaving. But that’s life, isn’t it? He’ll still be away for a few more weeks.

‘“What consoles me is his happiness. It’s been good for him to see his homeland again, and he already has a visit planned to his sister’s house, where he’ll see her and his nephews. Imagine discovering you belong to a family when you’re nearly sixty years old!

‘“Yes… I hope they fall in love with him, like…

‘“Well, the truth is, I’ve grown accostumed to his voice, accostumed to his face… But it is another movie, isn't?’’’

 

 

 

The Fifty-Third Night

This past Saturday, the subject was cinema. Nick told me he had gone to see a film at the local theater, and that the film had reminded him very much of me.

“The movie’s bad,” he said, “but I had a hell of a time watching the two little old ladies sittin’ right in front of me. Their reactions? Hilarious. I didn’t ask you to come, though—I figured it wouldn’t really be your thing.”

“You judged rightly, and did well. Do you know how my sources in matters of cinema have been referring to that film?”

“Nope.”

“‘F*cking Heights.’”

Nick burst into laughter.

“Yeah, I mean, that tracks,” he said.

“But you told me that this bomb reminded you of me. Why?”

“I read the book. Thought it was boring as hell, honestly, but I read it back in school. And I can tell you, the book? It’s not in the movie. I also heard online that the director didn’t really base it on the novel, but on her own memories of reading it—maybe in school, like me—and just reinvented the whole thing.”

“I heard as much.”

“That’s what you call intellectual masturbation, right? Or artistic—whatever. I don’t even know anymore.”

“Yes, it is. She pleasured herself with her memories and made a film of them. That is typical of our age.”

“Lemme see if I remember your words,” Nick said, grinning. “Because in our age there’s no predominance of religion.”

“When there is religion,” I corrected him. “Without religion there is no unity in society, only standardization. With religion, we have a body composed of different members; without religion, society becomes a body made entirely of left feet. Can such a thing stand? It cannot.”

Nick was laughing. “Man, the way you put things—it’s priceless! But go on, please.”

“Very well. If the members of the body do not communicate, what remains to them is intellectual masturbation. Some woman takes her memories—memories disturbed by her own demons—and decides to make a film out of them, even if the price is artistic and commercial failure; even if the price is the destruction of a literary monument. A society without religion cannot create culture and thus destroys what already exists. But tell me—what happened to the old ladies?”

Nick laughed again and continued. “I figure they must’ve read the book, or seen some other film version, and that’s why they showed up. Suddenly they’re watching this movie where every single image is about sex, and they’d jump and cluck in shock. After a while, they started treating it like a comedy—kinda like, ‘Well, we paid for it and we’re here, might as well have fun.’ For instance, when Heathcliff walks into Isabella’s room and they end up sleeping together, one of the little old ladies said to the other, ‘Shoot, even silly old me would’ve gone for that!’”

And we laughed heartily.

“And you—have you read the book?”

“A couple times.”

“A couple?"

"Books are reusable, you know., and ‘Saint’ Emily Brontë wrote a literary monument. So perfect in its form that it is not truly filmable. Perhaps a miniseries—but even then it would remain deficient, for film shows only the actions of characters; to descend into the depths of their psychology, cinema would risk slipping into mere filmed theater.”

“Alright, alright,” Nick said, shaking his head. “I’ll reread the damn thing. Let’s see what I missed.”

“Go, and see,” I replied emphatically—so that we might both laugh again.

 

 

The original edition still with pseudonym. 

 

The Fifty-Second Night

“I had no idea you were friends with someone that famous!” Nick exclaimed when he arrived at my house for his customary Saturday visit.

“I wouldn’t say we are ‘friends,’” I replied. “He and I play on very different teams, so to speak. I would rather say that we appreciate each other’s virtues despite our differences.”

“There you go again with the philosophy,” Nick said, rolling his eyes. “Man, I just really wanted a picture with him.”

“That is precisely the point, you see. He is an internationally renowned actor and obscenely wealthy. If he comes to visit me on an island in the South Pacific, it is because he desires privacy and discretion. Of course I told him about you and said I would be delighted to introduce you, but he preferred to remain unnoticed. That is why he stayed here with me this week, in quiet seclusion.”

“Guess he didn’t factor in that everybody knows everybody on an island like this.”

Nick drew a long breath, bracing himself into reluctant acceptance, and continued:

“I get it. I really do. Still, I’m somewhere between shocked, offended, and straight-up frustrated, and I have no idea when I’m gonna recover.”

“I hope very soon,” I said, drawing a chair out for him. “Now sit down and let us have dinner.”

“So how did you two even meet?”

“In the most prosaic manner imaginable. He was once staying in London for a première, at a hotel where I was employed. By pure accident, I entered his room to tidy it just as he was stepping out of the bath.”

“And you saw—”

“Everything,” I said, as casually as one might comment on the weather.

“I hate you. I honestly hate you,” Nick replied.

“I know. There was the customary exchange of apologies—‘no harm done, please continue your work.’ The most difficult part was concealing my excitement and refraining from behaving like a fan. We exchanged a few banalities, yet he took a liking to me and said he wished to continue our conversation.”

“And what was that conversation about?”

“Truthfully, I do not remember. We met three more times, outside the hotel. I took him on those walks that lie beyond the tourist routes—the ones only residents know.”

“And you still talk?”

“Yes. At first by email and telephone. Nowadays, mostly through the internet.”

“So what’s he like?”

“A delightful person, though somewhat eccentric. At times I suspect I serve as a certain restraint upon his extravagances, and that it does him good.”

I smiled at a recollection: when I told him of my intention to launch myself as a professional artist, he declared he would purchase all my finished works at once, and I told him to go take his psychotropics.

“He takes those?”

“Of course not! I was merely reminding him to curb himself.”

We laughed.

“He is a dear soul. Only—at times—a little too much so.”

After dinner, we watched one of his films—I possess them all on DVD. Certain names deserve such privilege.

As he took his leave, Nick said to me, “You know, part of me wants to be seriously offended and never call you again. You’re lucky I’ve got some sense.”

We laughed once more. And when Nick’s car vanished, swallowed by the night, I stood contemplating the sea and gave thanks to God for granting me far more than I deserve.