Crapaud pleased Nick, and once again, we played a few rounds after dinner. This allowed me to exercise my strange sense of humor, which is merely about exploring the ridiculousness of human complexities. So, during the game, I would express fake joy when he won and exaggerated satisfaction when I won.
At first, he found this strange, but then he understood and laughed along with me. He even tried to get into the spirit.
I love when we laugh together at the same things.
He noticed how I tried to make jokes about everything and everyone, starting with myself, and I had to explain to him that I was thirsty for joy, for my heart is full of bitterness. On the other hand, humor is a way for me to be pleasant to others without truly exposing myself. It's like living as a character.
He didn’t understand how I could put so much effort into it, expending so much energy to remain alone.
“Why don't we go out one night? I know lots of great places to dance, drink, and laugh!”
“Dance? Me? Not a chance! A door dances better than I can do!”
“I want to see!”
“Excuse me?”
“There’s a door over there. Let's put it and you to dance and see who does it better!”
“Don’t be silly!”
“Come on! Dance with me!”
“I don’t know how to dance!”
“I already know that; now come on! he said while rummaging through my radio for something danceable.
I wish to kick him in the backside but restrained myself and extended my hand to him.
One foot here, one foot there, follow the rhythm, and other such instructions.
What a torment! Where was the rhythm I was supposed to follow? And my feet? Suddenly, they had a life of their own, independent of my will!
I honestly would like to learn how to dance, but my body wouldn’t cooperate. He laughed, but he noticed that joy was missing from me.
“Sorry, he said. I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I know. Maybe one day I’ll learn to dance, but I swear, not dancing doesn’t bother me.”
“Next week, let’s go to a place with dancing?”
“I don’t think so. I used to go to places like that when I was younger, but now I prefer my home.”
“You went to places like that?”
“There was a time when I had a “group,” and we would spend Friday nights in places like that. Full of people, lots of noise, and yes, laughter, music, and dancing. But then, the group dissolved. I still went a few times on my own, but it didn’t have the same effect as before, so I stopped going.”
“Why did the group dissolve?”
“We were all there, including me, because of one guy. When he went to Europe to start a life in Portugal, the group fell apart.”
“Sad, he said.”
And since it was already late, Nick left.
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